Edubabble and other Blither

I have a new rule at school. No eating while working. I've decided it's the main reason for my teacher-spread. Even the federal government is getting involved. (I must really have a problem....)

My superintendent puts it this way: "We have to make sure they are nice to each other, don't have sex, don't drink, don't do drugs, know how to drive, don't offend anyone, and now it's our fault that they're fat."

But seriously, when I think back to my junior high years (yuck), I remember no pizza parties, no end-of-the-year parties, no treats to go along with units: Kuchen when reading The Legend of Sleepy Hollow, Christmas Pudding for A Christmas Carol. My teachers never brought treats for tests, for homeroom, for Halloween. My school sure does that now. I'm guilty.

I don't remember so much fundraising, either: hoagies, candy, popcorn, frozen pizzas, cookie dough. Tripper and I disagree about fundraising: he, and many, many others, thinks kids should have to do something to raise money for their activities. He doesn't care for "tagging", that practice of panhandling outside of businesses. I can understand this; it's a logical statement. I'd rather, though, hand over a couple of bucks to kids outside of the grocery store than buy any other junk, edible or other. I don't want candles, knick-knacks, wrapping paper, kitchen gadgets that don't work. I don't want any of it.

While I'm at it-- I'm tired of my colleagues bringing in their kids' fundraisers, too. If I don't have kids, I'll get none of it back. On Sex and the City, Carrie once bemoaned weddings and showers in the same way. She wondered if she could have a shower for herself. Can I sell hoagies to benefit a trip to see Professor Girl and the River Pirate??? Don't I deserve that as much as some athlete deserves to go to Australia to play football?

While I'm still at it-- ladies, get a real job and stop these ridiculous direct-vendor parties: candles, Home Interiors, Pampered Chef, Jafra, Batteries Not Included, Home and Garden, you get the picture. If you have to prey upon your friends, how great are your products?? If you need extra money, quit going to these parties and buying fundraiser items.

I recently went to one of these with a friend. She knew I had made a resolution to just say no, but she begged me. She felt obligated to go since it was hosted by friends of her husband, but she wasn't going to know anyone there. I felt obligated to go with her because every time she's at my house, she has to change the toilet paper roll and fill the ice cube trays. I went. The demonstrator, a school librarian, was the chirpiest woman I'd met in awhile. I guess she can be chirpy, since all she does all day is say, "Shh."

"Who brought their assigned items?" she sang. I hadn't seen an actual invitation, so I didn't know I had homework.

"I'll give you Garden Cash for each item you can whip out of your purse! Does anyone have... a pen? a grocery receipt? a tampon? a picture on your cell phone? a reminder card for a doctor's appointment? some tweezers? dental floss?"

I was hoping the next request was a gun so I could kill myself. On and on it went. (What did we get with this money at the end of the night? The opportunity to bid on a Hershey bar and some ugly Christmas figurines.)

She next gave a little info about the company. "Home and Garden is a Christian company," strike one "started in Texas" strike two. I think my eyes started to glaze over at that point.

One interesting (to me only) part of the "party" was its location, the home of a former student and her family: husband and two cute little boys. (PG, she was a student that year you visited me and spoke at that high school class. Remember, the one boy spoke to you at length, and you answered, "Pardon me???" because you had no idea what he'd said? I think he said something like, "Soyou'reMissSnow's'friendthatshe'sknownforevertheonewhoisawriter?")

I bought a couple things-- a cookbook stand and some candles. I left with only my new resolutions: Don't eat while working, and stop going to these parties.